One of the greatest lessons I learned from my trip was that of contentment. How to be content in every circumstance, how to be pointedly present always in my circumstance, and how to bring about contentment for others in circumstances. In Africa, though a challenging place to start working on such a thing, proved to be an easier battlefield than college. Already I've come back and have fought angrily with my computer (countless times within the past week), I have gotten angry when professors weren't available, I've spent too much time worrying and sharing my worries with others about specific situations, I've complained about my schedule and my classes. I've been anything but content; I've been angry and frustrated and impatient and stressed and extremely discontent. Even while feeling those things, I knew these weren't things that have been pivotal parts of my life for the last 3 months, and seemed out of place now. And yet, that didn't make them go away. My peace of mind has been shattered and all I've left myself with are splinters that jab my every thought. Why can't I practice contentment when I'm at home or school, where I should be the most content? It very much was a hard lesson to learn in Africa, yet it was one I prepared to face and fought daily. Now, my guard is down, and I get overwhelmed easily.
This morning we sang a song at church that wasn't familiar to me, but it brought me back to my contentment of Africa. Here are the lyrics (or as close as I could find on the internet):
Teach me Thy way, O Lord, teach me Thy way!
Thy guiding grace afford, teach me Thy way!
Help me to walk aright, more by faith, less by sight;
Lead me with heav’nly light, teach me Thy way!
When I am sad at heart, teach me Thy way!
When earthly joys depart, teach me Thy way!
In hours of loneliness, in times of dire distress,
In failure or success, teach me Thy way!
When doubts and fears arise, teach me Thy way!
When storms o’erspread the skies, teach me Thy way!
Shine through the cloud and rain, through sorrow, toil and pain;
Make Thou my pathway plain, teach me Thy way!
Forgive me, God, and help me to try again. Help me to practice contentment now, no matter my circumstances. If you want me to be content without internet and television, that's okay. If you want me to be content hiking around campus, that's okay. If you want me to be content spending more time working and studying than with my friends and boyfriend, that's okay. If you want me to face hardships and relationship difficulties and discomfort, that's okay. If you want me to not get as much sleep or to not eat as much food or to not spend as much money, that's okay. I'm okay with that. I know I have you, and that's more than enough. Just teach me your ways; give me your peace and contentment. Quiet me heart and draw me close to you.
