I have a strange sinking feeling in my heart. Maybe its the rain coming down outside. Maybe its the knowledge that summer is almost over. Maybe it's the death that I have encountered recently. Maybe its the decisions I know I have to make soon. Maybe it's all the change that I know is coming. I don't know, but my heart hurts. I feel that lately whenever I stop and actually look in, I always have a heavy heart. I'm not at peace with the present, the immediate future, or the long-term future, and I'm not at peace with myself in any of it. I'm not quite happy about where I'm going, but I don't feel good about where I am. I feel like I'm going every direction at once, but I'm not actually getting anywhere. I feel like nothing is quite as secure and dependable as I thought it was, particularly myself.
Can I sing?
Find me in the river
Find me on my knees
I've walked against the water
Now I'm waiting if you please
I've longed to see the roses
But never felt the thorns
And bought my pretty crowns
But never paid the price
Find me in the river
Find me there
Find me on my knees with my soul laid bare
Even though you're gone and I'm cracked and dry
Find me in the river, I'm waiting here
I didn't count on suffering
I didn't count on pain
But if the blessing's in the valley
Then in the river I will wait
